Quote:
Originally Posted by PAYNE1
I can understand how you'd want to get rid of your dad. He doesn't sound like a very good dad to me either.
I gather that he has never actually physically abused you or any other members of your family. It's more the childishness, laziness, etc. It could be that he is having some depression. Has that actually been addressed in the marital counseling, I wonder. Would he refuse to see a counselor on his own and get treatment, if in fact he is correct about his diagnosis?
You don't say how old you are, but I gather you are approaching the age of adulthood, since you are in a university. As long as he doesn't actually abuse you or your siblings, then the best bet might be to try to stay away from him as much as you can. In a few years you can move away.
Honestly it sounds like your mother is getting the brunt of his bad behavior. Ultimately she would need to be the one to take the matter into her own hands.
Has he threatened physical abuse, suicide, or other negative consequences if his family left him? Does he demonstrate signs of possible violence, such as being very jealous or trying to keep his spouse under his thumb? If not, then you folks might be worrying too much about his responses.
I'm sad that you're having to live in this upsetting environment and I can understand your feelings. My last question is: Could you possibly talk to a counselor at your university and see what he/she says? If you can't get rid of your dad, then you might need to see how you can protect your emotional health under the circumstances.  |
Thank you so much for your reply!
Well, actually, he has physically abused my mother. During the beginning of their marriage it was the worst (I don't know how bad it was, she never speaks of it) but just before she left his room, he used to slap her or knee her if she didn't give him what he wanted.
I don't know what they talk about during counseling but from what I gather, it hasn't been very helpful. Hmm...I did make it clear to my mom that they should bring up depression during his visit to the psychiatrist but I don't know if they did. I'll ask. We would have to push him to go to a counselor on his own.
I can hardly wait to move out but for now I benefit the most by living with them. I will leave if it gets too much to handle though.
He has said many times that if she leaves him, 'this will be destroyed', something ambiguous along those lines. And he has threatened suicide more than once but he is so selfish that I see that as manipulation (he often plays the victim). He doesn't let my mom get too near male relatives (she stood next to a nephew in a photo once and he argued with her over that). He used to not let her visit her parents and she always had to ask for permission but that's stopped.
I really don't want to get a counselor involved. Me and my siblings know too much that we shouldn't and they always get us involved in their problems. It can get stressful during the arguments but I just leave my parents to themselves now and try to ignore whats happening.