I'm sorry you can't find acceptance yet, but you will. Grief is not a thing to have at the funeral and then it's over, but you know that. There are many stages of grief, and you can go from one to another and back or in a few at the same time... acceptance isn't one of the first usually.

The death of a loved one is tough enough if it's from old age. When there are mitigating circumstances, then of course mourning becomes more complicated.

You brother was an adult. He made choices too. It wasn't all in your hands or for you to decide.

Tell us more about how you are feeling, ok?