Thank you to everyone who has responded. I am so grateful for such good advise. I did not expect to find this level of support, thank you.

I will be seeing a therapist on Monday for the first time. At the moment my husband hardly talks with me so he will not be open to seeing a therapist right now. After I have spoken with her on Monday I will take the next step and follow her advise. I tried to find a male therapist for my husband's sake (I thought he might feel more comfortable discussing his problems with a man rather than a woman) but could not find a Western educated male therapist.

I find it most difficult to have to put on a facade and be a hypocrite. Tonight we have dinner with some of his corporate customers and it should be interesting to see how he treats me then in front of others.

I am beginning to well up with emotions and constantly have to tell myself to look at the big picture and not feel sorry for myself. This is harder than it sounds because as soon as you find yourself alone your mind starts working overtime and invariably you start to analyse again.

I am not someone to pity myself but do feel the breakdown is close. Last night I stayed up until 2am in the morning working on a portfolio to present to a creative director from a magazine. An hour before my meeting this morning he cancelled and we will re-schedule it for a later date. This little incident sent me spinning, almost out of control. I had to talk hard with myself to keep control or I would have lost it. I have not had a job for the past 4 months and it is eating at my self-confidence. On top of this I try to motivate my husband and maintain a good relationship with his son. Oh boy, this does sound like self-pity. :0) I did get out of the mood quickly though, I sliced open some vegetables and photographed the insides and found that a mushroom has a very interesting [in]side to it..... :0)

I am looking forward to talking with a professional, someone who would understand the problems and give us tools to work with, solve our problems and save our marriage.

Thanks for listening, I did talk less with myself today and more with my cat.....