I'm currently in a psych hospital. I'm here voluntarily. It's a good hospital with lots of therapy during the day. I've been in here before. But there policy towards medication has changed a lot since I was last here. They're a lot faster to medicated and willing to use stronger drugs to do it.

Yesterday I got transferred to a new unit (that's a good thing - it's a specialized unit that I want to be on.) So I had to have an intake assessment with my new attending psychiatrist. Also present in the meeting were a social worker, my nurse, and a med student. I felt like a lab specimen.

I had to go through my entire psych history, my drinking history, my sexual abuse history, my employment history - none of which make me feel good about myself. So naturally I was upset.

One of the things that came up in the meeting was the question of what medication I wanted as a PRN. The Dr. offered a range of pretty heavy duty anti-psychotics, all of which are heavily sedating. When I balked at the newer ones, he went onto the older ones - even suggesting Haldol. I was really reluctant, as I'm already on a whack of heavy duty meds and I don't want to be turned into a zombie. I finally agreed to Seroquel and just figured I wouldn't take it.

But last night I was really upset after the assessment and I wanted to SI, OD, or Drink, just to numb out. I did what I'd been told to do - went to my nurse and said I wanted to talk. The first thing out of her mouth was let me give you something to calm you down. I balked at first but she really pushed, so I finally agreed to take a Seroquel. It was only 25 mg, but I felt like I'd been hit by a mac truck. I didn't want to hurt myself anymore, I also didn't want to do anything. I felt like a zombie.

The nurse did eventually come back and talk to me for about 1/2 an hour which was helpful, but I just wish she hadn't been so quick to drug.

And I found out that I'd been cleared to have 25 mg every hour! More than one and I'd still be comatose.

I wound up sleeping 11 hours and I still feel groggy this morning.

Not happy.

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