Hi Sadmom (sorry about that! your T = your Therapist)

What you wrote does not sound harsh. Everyone has a boundary, a threshold in which they can meet and then after that, it's over. done. Certain behavior is no longer tolerated.

And I understand that you wish to have a "label", but I personally am not a T , have not met with your daughter or heard from her (her pov), (), AND am reading only one pov. It would not be fair-minded, healthy or wise of me to start throwing things out based on a guess (even educated). I don't believe even a trained, professional T would start throwing things out there for you simply to placate you and the rest of the family.

More importantly, I also know how incredibly awful it is to be labeled. It is extremely damaging and it's also very cruel IMO. Your daughter - or any human being - is not a label that you can or should slap on her, so you feel something humanlike (compassion, for instance).

I do hope very much that she will reach her "rock-bottom" (whatever that is for her) and begin to look inward and seek help for herself. I am sure it is just as painful for her to deal with the family and to lose your relationships.

That said, I would encourage you and your children -her siblings - (and whomever else is frustrated to the point of throwing hands up and walking away) to focus on yourselves more and to look inward so you can feel better.

I dont think this is really about your daughter. It is about how you and her siblings think / act / respond to behavior for which you have no (healthy) coping mechanisms/tools.

Best wishes to you.