I think about it a lot. I know it's not healthy and there a better ways to handle the feelings that make me want to hurt myself. I think a part of me wants to punish and hurt myself for feeling depressed. There was a couple of time I intentionally scratched myself. Not to the point where I drew blood, but I wanted to keep going. I also took a razor apart. I didn't cut myself, but I almost did. I think Sarah's reaction to seeing new scars is what stopped me. We never talked about self harming, but I don't think it would go over very well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tractionbeam0610
I haven't I guess since earlier last year, but I think about it every day and what it would feel like and where I would do it... It's hard if it helped you cope with things and you are still feeling those things and have no outlet. I really only stopped because it wasn't enough and was afraid I would keep going, not even knowing what I was doing anymore, really.
And I did it before I was even depressed, to deal with my extreme anxiety...so there are lots of reasons people do it and I guess it's not all for one clear reason even for one person.
And it's hard if you aren't getting enough support from your wife...I don't think people who aren't depressed can truly understand it. I hope the two of you can get back into therapy together.
(So if I said something totally off base, please ignore it as I only skimmed the previous posts). I do wish you the best of luck. Keep finding other ways to get your feelings out...you've made it 8 years!  |