This is a classic example of childhood abuse that lingers until the adult is willing to sit down and really listen to what has been said about his/her life and becomes able and strong to stand against the kind of sickness to which the little one was exposed.

It's the healing of the child within that brings us back to healthy lifestyle and feelings.

Please discuss your inner feelings with a psychiatrist who can help you understand and medicate you while you're in the process of healing. That's all you'll have to do and keep remembering as you remain your own parent of your little child within that you are a very special gift from God to the world and you deserve to be able to live that life with integrity and with the respect for yourself that enables you to live by your deepest inner principles.

You are fortunate in one sense that you know what happened and that you can overcome it. We often feel so sorry for those who were injured when they were so young that they are never able in live to overcome the tragedy of infant abuse.

Please talk to a specialist. One can help you so much and get you off to a good start on learning how to be your own parent and to realize the inadequacy of the parents you had.

You'll be fine with a little help. No disintegrating ever again over what somebody else says or does!

Start reading some good paperbacks such as Forgiving and Moving On
and Keep It Simple. Both are helpful in understanding having been reared
in a dysfunctional family. You'll want to meditate on the ideas in the paperbacks, I feel; and that can only help you to be a good parent to your little one within. So will Spirituality if you wish to read about that.

Take care of yourself and make the effort to get things started toward a new and stronger and much happier YOU!