Hi Everyone,
I was in the middle of writing a whole long mesage and it bumped me off the page. Maybe it's a sign that I shouldn't have written it. Let's try.
I honestly don't know where to begin. I'm so angry at yet another of Rainbow's threads turning into a controversy with so many people ending up criticizing her as they have for years. Even after she's hung around, bravely listened to every thing you had to say and has tried I feel to the best of her ability to grow from it, and I feel is doing very well with everything right now. People don't make improvements as fast as some of you think it's supposed to happen. It seems like in this past year I've been on here, she's really done some good work on the attachment issue, work that she probably hasn't done before. Because of this, the other years she was in therapy were important as they lead up to doing this work, but you can't say that just because she's in T for a long time that this should be done with or resolved quickly.
People have different experiences as Hankster pointed out. The so often quoted post that I think her name was scorpiosis wrote was very romantic and idealized, and doesn't at all reflect the reality of their relationship. It seems like Rainbow and her husband are really in a rough place. She tried to bring him to therapy, she tried to give him more attention. He seems to lack compassion and caring towards her, and that's hard. She said she's not sure if she loves him, but also not sure that he loves her. This must be painful. I feel my parents have been in this kind of place for years, totally miserable but not able to actually separate. It's heartbreaking for them and others involved.
I'm like only twenty four, and haven't ever even dated, but I agree with the people who say that it's not her husband's place to tell her how to spend the money, or be so bent out of shape that she goes to therapy. It sounds like a little therapy wouldn't hurt him!
I'm just more fed up with some of the people around here. And I know a moderator will probably come and close this thread as it's how it always end. And maybe repremand me for what I'm saying here but I honestly don't care. I'm not someone who expresses anger often, and it's very overwhelming for me to even feel this way. But I think even if I were in front of you all right now I'd be yelling with tears streaming down myface. And I know some of you would have some critical remarks about that. It's just so sad to me that this place was started by a psychologist and I assume other people interested in helping others, to be a place where people feel safe and not judged, for support. Not for people to turn into advice givers, thinking they know how others should live their lives, or be so pushy that the person feels completely overwhelmed. Dr. John even made a permanent note about this and though it's helped some, not enough for me at least, and maybe not enough for you either Rainbow.
Rainbow, you know I give you all the credit in the world for what you're doing, from putting up with your husband's lack of understanding/ caring and still trying to find your voice and do what's right for you in that, to the steps you've taken in the issue of attachment with your t, to dealing with the criticism here. Probably everyone hates me now, but I honestly don't care. I had to say what I was feeling because this place has driven me crazy for a few months now. It's sad too because when I came I felt it was so supportive and you could say anything, now I know you can't. Oh and I bet someone will diagnose me as narcistic or attention seeking or some crazy thing. I'll be amused to see what you come up with. Bye all, if I know you're someone I feel comfortable with, I'll PM you. If I feel I can say something helpful in a post, I'll contribute and always give a hug or thanks. But I'm done with everyone else, this is insane.