It's odd but I don't see "hold me in the moment of discomfort" and "hurt me" as the same thing. I don't like the phrase "hold me" so I've chosen to think of it as "sitting with me in the moment of discomfort"... and hurt me...

The moment of discomfort is mine and I would most likely have that same moment of discomfort if whatever triggered it was with my T or with another person... so I don't view it as "hurt me"...

"to hurt me" seems to me to be intentional...with motive... I don't see that... I see how it could feel like that... My xT had said atleast two very hurtful things but they were also very logical things that if I had perspective I would have been able to see for myself.