What do you do when you feel like you want to retaliate? I am not 18 yet, so I currently cannot get myself a therapist. Although there's a therapist who would love to have me as his client, I'm just not ready to see him yet, because in order to do so, I would need my parents' permission, and since I'm still a minor, I cannot get their approval because they don't really believe in therapy. But I feel a lot better once I start talking to him and I do hope that I can find supportive people in this forum.
As a kid, I was always treated as if i were different. Guys my age have called me girly and thought there was something really weird going on with me. there are so many intolerant people in this world, man. What's worse is that we both have the same blood origin and instead of being there for me, they mocked me. How cruel. When they deal with the more superior groups, they won't gang up on them. I've noticed that their conversations with each other change and the tone begins to take a new form. sorry, wrong choice of words, but that's okay.
Many girls my age didn't like me either. One girl called me a pauper and a poor person. She thought that she was all that simply because she bought clothes from hollister and aeropostale. She believed that wearing clothes with those words on them make her seemed different. I hated her guts. I still remember how she used to spread rumors around the class just to make others hate me. I still hope that everything would just backfire on her. And she told this girl named Ruby that I made her cry. What about the times she used to make me flood into tears? Does it seem like anybody cared? Instead, people shrugged and walked away. Though I was born here, I felt like I was treated like a minority. I hesitated because I felt so cowered and dominated by this monster of a teacher who happens to be white--nothing racial intended--and he would send me down to the deans or counselors office just to waste my time. and one reason I didn't treat people well at that school was that I had no intention of going to it. I was originally planning on attending some other school, but since I don't have siblings, I couldn't. I hated the school. I hated the people. I hated the ones who I thought were my friends turned out to be my enemies. I detested them and many times I would resort to those thoughts. I encourage others to write an autobiography of themselves to let the world know what they have been through. Maybe when future generations read these books, they'll know that everybody has been there.
so then back to the point. he sent me down there just to waste my time and he showed me no mercy. i disliked everyone. i wanted to do much worse. i was going through a lot of depression. Went to a therapist, no big help was offered, but in the end, it did help me get out of my funk. i would love to forget the past, but even then, i still regard these people with contempt, and i just want to spit on them. i want to see them hit rock bottom.