I am not a going to kill myself and this is not a suicidal post.

I felt like I have skip the "middle" step. From alive, fall straight to feeling hell.

So many hurts, so many times. So many wounds, all I can do it keep them from bleeding. This time the wounds is so big I dunno how to stop it from bleeding.

My mother had just kneel and bowing on the ground in front of me to make me feel bad.

She scold at me in the car to the point I cry.

At dinner, she ignore me, like I am not exist.

I don't know how to explain all these. (not that i don't want to)
The only thing I can say is in her way, if I just let her scold and let her yell. Then everything is fine to her. Or else.....