I did drop off a note explaining how I felt. I go in for an extra session tomorrow. Whether or not he actually can help will depend on both of us.

This is going to be rough I'm afraid.

I'm on the verge of a total shut down. I do that - run on autopilot. Become perfectly fine.

I can adopt that "fineness" so well, I don't even have access to my feelings. They can just vanish.

Sometimes, that skill is a blessing, sometimes it's a curse.

If I go into shutdown mode, nothing he says or does will get in.

It may be pointless. I don't know.