Quote:
Originally Posted by elliemay
I'm on the verge of a total shut down. I do that - run on autopilot. Become perfectly fine.
I can adopt that "fineness" so well, I don't even have access to my feelings. They can just vanish.
Sometimes, that skill is a blessing, sometimes it's a curse.
If I go into shutdown mode, nothing he says or does will get in.
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I have my own version of this, so I think I get the state.
But in my experience, it is possible for it not be so absolute in the shutting down. It is possible to have some awareness that one is engaging in it (as you must here, as even the recognition that this is happening is a crack between it and you) and it is possible to have some control over it. Over time, you can modulate your response, like a faucet, to more intermediate levels in between open and shut down. I think you may already be able to do this more than perhaps you realize.