Hello... It sounds like you are going through a rough patch and I can totally relate. I hope things get better for you... although I am in a bind myself, I can recommend that you find a psychologist that you like, that you can talk to once a week. It will probably help. The most important thing is that you like the psychologist, that he or she be someone you feel you can trust.

Another thing that really works if you find yourself spiraling into these states where you do things you later regret is to start counting your breaths. Breathe in, count 1, breathe out, count 2, breathe in, count 3, and so on... do this until you reach 20, then start back up at 1. Keep doing it until you feel calm. Just ignore all other thoughts, all other desires, and just focus on counting your breath.

*hugs*