Usually the experience of abuse comes with an explicit message from the perpetrator or an understanding by the victim that silence is safe and disclosure is dangerous. Even in adulthood, even with conscious awareness, these old tapes are Powerful. Sometimes they play in our unconscious and there is no deliberate "lie." Other times they play in the background but we still don't feel safe telling.

Someone once told me that it is an honor when people disclose their histories to you. I find that word a little over-the-top but I agree with the sentiment that people aren't just going to hand over parts of their lives to anyone just because they ask. There has to be more-- whether it comes from the person doing the asking, or the person being asked, or from the relationship between the two-- before disclosure.