Well that explains a lot. I still think your h has secrets of his own. Maybe he has shared them with the church and that is why they have joined with him kind of against you. I am really anti-secret of this kind. You can't pretend nothing happened to any of you. The kids pick up on it and end up paying for it. Speaking from my own experience and my friends. My advice would be to stop hiding, start talking, get h talking. Why has he chosen this path?? Then when things are more out in the open, more calm, then take action. If he refuses to talk, though, then yes, save yourself. Again my mantra is, you don't have to live down to his self-imposed limitations.