Having those things happen to you have made you angry. It sounds like you want to make a decision to stop being angry but remembering the past is keeping the anger and depression alive.

Making the choice to reach out is a good decision. Anger and resentment and painful memories are difficult to deal with alone. Dont worry about smiling right now. That can come later. Right now you need someone to talk to explain your feelings. If things are to get better, you need to have faith that it can happen. You will need to put effort into it. You will have to trust. You will need to be patient. There is more but you can get to that smile later when you can feel hopeful again. No one can 'just get over ' depression after it embeds itself.

Are you receiving other support besides PC?