One thing I read a little while ago that helped put things in perspective for me as far as feeling like I could have not willingly sought out the CSA that was happening with me, was that pleasure is an automatic reflexive feeling like pain. If you accidentally burn your hand you can't MAKE yourself stop feeling pain. The same can be said for pleasure. Especially at a young age when it's all new to you. If you feel pleasure you can't STOP feeling it.

But I too still feel like I could have restrained myself from seeking it out. I was smart and aware. I was just going over that with T in my last session. I know I was really looking for affection and it was misused by the abuser and twisted into something else. But it doesn't help me feel less shameful for seeking it.