Quote:
Originally Posted by My kids are cool
I dunno. As a parent, the fifth or sixth or sixtieth time my kid pulled the cookie jar off the shelf, I would no longer be giving that kid empathy or support. I would still love the kid but I'd be saying, "serves you right" and thinking the pain was self inflicted and might serve to teach the child a lesson since he or she was clearly not listening to me. In fact, if the behavior continued, I would probably start imposing punishment in addition to whatever self inflicted punishment the kid was receiving from hurting him or herself.
Like if my child ran out in the street, I would NOT pull him out of the street and reward the behavior by showering him with love. I would WANT to do that, but for his sake, I would be VERY stern and really get after him verbally. Only when I was sure he understood the error of what he did would I cuddle him and tell him how much I adore him and would hate to see anything happen to him.
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I agree with the principle here. After that many times, the child needs to experience natural consequences. Rather than telling them "serves you right", though, I'd ask whether they understood what happened. If they do not, I would try to teach them why. All of this, however, is based upon the age and developmental level of the child. Once they understood, then they would receive the empathy.
I don't have kids, but I have noticed with my clients that they learn more from natural consequences than any form of behavior modification strategies. For me, my "aha!" moment, when I realized just how much my behavior affected others, was completely tied into natural consequences...not only for me, but a couple of other people mired in my situation.
Just one opinion out of many!
