Choppy, you're confusing me, but maybe not. You said you dont believe in consequences, that everything happens for a reason. I know I don't like when somebody says, "if you do that, there are going to be consequences!" That just sounds like bullying or threats, even if you're a kid. I mean, talk it out, find out what is really going on. In the cookie jar example, hey maybe the kid needs a snack, not a smack.