Hammy dependent traits can come with abuse too. A lot of us who have been abused have also become dependant because we lose trust in ourselves, we loose self worth and self esteem, confidence to trust our own judgement so we can end up being dependent even on our abuser. But that doesn't mean personality disorder or permanent. From what you have said about your parents and childhood, healthy self esteem, confidence, worth and trust in yourself were not qualities that were fostered or nourished. Add your ex to that mix, then no wonder. I was very dependent and independent all at the same time, and wrong times...just a hodge podge of confusion because of my upbringing and early adulthood experience. So we just start to develop these things and have to foster them in ourselves a little later in life than some others, but we can become independent in all the ways we should be.

You have been very independent since and continue to grow more independent. I think your self esteem and trust in your ownself has been growing a lot. Especially in this last year... Breaking the chains that bound you.

Don't worry to much and just keep doing what you have been doing. You have changed a whole lot and grown a lot, in good positive ways. Look at all the boudaries you have been able to establish and stick to with your ex and even in your other relationships now. You have been making desicions and choices ..you are doing good.

You know I think we have the ability to change most things, and this is one I really believe we can change.