I have recently(past 6months) gone through some things that have made me extremely sad and disappointed with myself making me feel terrible about myself. About 2-3 months ago I had a really bad anxiety attack on a family dive to Las Vegas. Ever since then things have gone downhill majorly. After Christmas I experienced problems with a friend and a girl I really liked, I think that was the last straw. I started experiencing intense anxiety, I would sit in my car after school and cry and go home after school get super angry then Benin tears...

Since then I've gone off the deep end, I have no values or cares anymore at all. I've started weed (something I would've never do) because it brings me some temporary emotion and happiness. Besides that, I do not have any emotion (in a more broad sense) . I feel no happiness, no sadness, nothing anymore. I feel as if nothing matters and literally, NOTHING in the world sounds fun. I feel like I have turned off the natural emotions of humanity, as once in awhile I get the feeling all these emotions are trapped deep inside and have me so overwhelmed that the only response is to not care about anything...

This whole feeling is awful, I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to experience joy again. I wanna know what it's like to cry (even though that sucks), I miss my emotions. Does anyone know what this is? DO NOT tell me to see a therapist because that will NOT HAPPEN. I just dunno what to do anymore...