((((((( Speed3 )))))))
so much pain and no relief, I can't begin to find words ...
your life has been devastated by loss--do you and husband talk about any of this, any of feelings you may both have?
I understand the instinct to crawl into a hole of numbness and try to stop feeling but there is no certainty, you may damage yourself and remain helpless ...
please consider other options, maybe even something we can do to help?