My heart goes out to you as I listen to your story, Speed. I know it doesn't seem like it sometimes, but it will get better. It might take longer than we would like it to sometimes, but it will get better.

That is a lot that you are having to deal with, and while I've never gone through what you're going through I can imagine the pain you must be in. Try to keep posting in here and keep fighting. If you're pdoc isn't helpful, maybe try finding a therapist or a counselor to help you work through things.