I'm just really sorry that you have had to go through those experiences with your Ts.

I admire the courage and tenacity it took to post and to ask.

You are tenacious, too, in contacting those new Ts and setting up appointments. I don't know what you have been through, but i am guessing that it has been a real lot, a real lot. I am very sorry for that, and i admire the strength you reveal in carrying on as best you can in spite of it all.

Have you considered calling a crisis hotline when feeling really bad or just when wanting to talk to someone? You don't need an appointment, you know? There are quite a number of them out there; perhaps over time you could find one where you especially mesh with the (trained, nonjudgmental) listeners. They are not a substitute for therapy, but they can be a useful addition and readily available when needed.