as many of you may know, i have been pretty down recently, so firstly i want to apologise for not being supportive lately, i still care so much about each and everyone of you and i am reading the posts to keep a check on you all. but im not at the right place in my head to be able to offer support. so sorry im not here for you as much as i use to be. its not forever.

i think i have a solution which could help me alot. not completely but it will help significantly...

i have been having ALOT of trouble at work lately. i injured my shoulder back in june this year and have had 6 weeks off (not all at once, had 2 weeks, then 1 week, then monday i returned to work after being off 3 weeks) and my manager has been real horrible to me. she is refusing to pay me for the last few weeks, and thats alot of money i will be loosing. its more than half of my pay cheque!! and she said yesterday "we need someone more reliable and trustworthy" so obviously she doesnt value me working there.

today, for reasons unknown, someone spread a rumour around saying that i was calling someone certain things (for names sake i will name this person "d") and d confronted me this afternoon saying she had heard that i have been saying things about her, which i hadnt. i think you'll agree its very childish and very school-like. and yesterday i said hello to someone and she turned around and said "oh, you ignored me earlier so i will ignore you now" i hadnt ignored her, i just didnt know she had spoken to me. people in that place dont like me for some reason, i dont know what im doing wrong and i am at the stage of dreading work and not having any enthusiasm, which is effecting me mentally. i am sure its the reason i have been so low recently. its all just negative and i cant stand it!! i truly believe that this negativity is clouding my vision of my music. i have so much negativity around me that i struggle to stay positive about anything and i think this is partly whats causing me to doubt my musical talent. many of you will know what i have been going through in the last few weeks and you will know that i love music so muc, but am having serious conflicts about whether i have what it takes. i need to make a change to help improve my mental health and get back on track, i need to do whats best for me. for me and my music, it is the one thing in life i love and i am protective over it, i dont want it ruined and i dont want to lose my passion for music permanently. i wont allow it. some of you may not understand what i mean, i hope you do, then you will know how important it is.

i was having a long think today in work, i kept myself to myself all day and for 7 hours decided not to talk to many people, i just needed time to think about what i truly wanted and what was best for me. and my conclusion is that that place is not good for me, and i have to leave.

i am prepared to leave soon, i want out!! badly! i want out so much that i dont care whether i have a job to go to or not, so im considering leaving in the next few weeks and spending my days looking for a new job. but i need your advice, i want to know if you think its a good idea, and whether you would do it if you were in my situation? any feedback would be welcomed. i want your honest opinion, if you think its bad, tell me. i welcome any suggestion, whether it goes against my own thoughts. i just want to know if its a good idea or not so as i dont make a mistake.

thank you

simon