50 minutes once a week just isn't anywhere near enough time to sort this all out. I'm worried about tomorrow because there's so little I can cover in that time...and maybe I'm facing the end anyway.

I'm not over just how much has gone wrong. There's been so much. The hardest things are still that really angry session and all the awful comments said that day. I'm also struggling with being called intrusive. Some of the things that were forgotten and ignored were really hard. Some of your defensive and angry reaction since that first bad session have been really hurtful. I also don't feel good about being pushed to record a session when I didn't want to. I don't feel good about how sure you are that you wouldn't think of me in a life threatening situation if we were in one together. Ouch.

This was my one stable thing. My safe place. You were my one person...and I don't know who you are now. Maybe I can't heal because no relationship will be stable enough for me. I guess this is what it comes down to after four years. I've been saying four years for the last few months because we're almost there...but actually this weekend it will be official. Four years. Maybe that's as long as anyone can cope with me.

What is left for me to hope for? Please be kind tomorrow.