thank you Payne1, I also have to worry about my son and his care. I am a single mom and no help with daily care for him. So hospital is not an option...I just suffer and cope the best I can. I would love to be able to go and try to find a little balance, but I do have a doc apt this Friday...not soon enough, but I have to be patient as possible. VERY HARD when your MANIC AS EVER! Finding this site has really helped me though. I have been trying to treat through my family doc because all the pdoc's in my area I have been to over the last 18 years and I cant function on the high doses of meds let alone take care of my son. I currently drive 50 miles a day to get him to school and home. I cant be a zombie and drive. He is more important...I usually get him to school and then try to deal with most of my pent up emotions while he is gone. I prefer him not to see me a wreck if possible. Thank you for your support and yes at times its VERY scary.