I was talking to my most beloved person in the whole world, and laughing and smiling. At the same time I was admiring the height of a building questioning if it will be less painful if I jump from a building than jump into the ocean.

Did he know that when he was driving and we we’re going on a trip somewhere, I was truly happy; but I was hoping I was driving alone so I can crash to a truck or crash a bridge and fall from the top.

Crying under the warm shower with a rock trying to break a razor, maybe I can get the blade and cut my wrists and the pain will go away.