sigh. And here we go. I am somewhat grateful that today is a work day. I'm more of border collie at work than a scientist, so that usually keeps me busy and somewhat distracted.

I did all I said I was going to do this weekend, and more or less the plan worked. I was quite anxious most of the time, but made it.

I hope today's therapy session is somewhat productive, but as I said, it's going to depend on both of us.

I don't know how he is going to react, and I can only try to react the way I want to - open, in touch with how I feel.

I can lapse into horribly horribly sarcastic Ellie, it's part of shutdown Ellie - and not a nice one at that.

I know that what has happened is not my therapist's fault, or his doing at all. It's an iatrogenic sequela of the testing, and the results. This is likely under-reported about the test, potentially not even reported at all.

Oh great, now I've lapse into intelligent Ellie.

Sigh.