There are no more surprises, or real opportunities for me. I'm turning 35 this year and people might say that is still relatively young, but given that I have basically gotten nowhere in any aspect of my life, i see little reason to continue. I dont think I can kill myself, I still have health anxiety after all, so i'm still very concerned about my well-being at times, but yeah I don't particularly want to live or have any hope for the future any more. My siblings have moved on with their own lives and families now, too, and it doesn't seem that anyone really wants to help.