I get these thoughts a lot too. I remember getting home from work one day and my wife was cooking. I remember walking behind my wife giving her a hung and kissing the back of her neck. Then I noticed the kitchen knife on the counter. I got the urge to pick it up and...well I think you get the rest.

You can't listen to these urges. I know it my feel like the only way to end your suffering but it is not the way. I'm sure your beloved would be devasted if you hurt or killed yourself. He would question why and he may even be so destrought he takes his own life as well. I urge you to seek help. Talk to your doctor, or find a therapist. Try some meds. At the very least talk to your beloved and tell them how bad it is. I think a lot of people with depression get really good at hiding how they are feeling and even to the ones we love, but we have to acknowledge these feelings to deal with them. They have never just gone away for me. I've regret both of my suicide attempts. If I suceed I would have never met my wife and missed out on some really good moments of my life. I urge you at the very least to talk and tell someone how bad you are feeling. If they can't help talk to a doctor. There is help out there. Please keep yourself safe.