I can't stop pretending, yet i can't do it anymore. Can I just please give up? I can't handle it. My dad called and i'm so glad he knew i had a cold or he would have for sure heard me crying. He's trying so hard to be supportive ... but i can't let him. I can't let myself open up. And the more i keep it in the more it hurts. I'm so confused about everything now.. who i am, who i pretend to be, what people see me as... why can't i just not care? Why can't things just be easy. Why can't i just be normal. Why does it have to hurt this much.

I feel like curling up in a ball and crying forever. I feel like screaming and throwing things. I feel like a lot of things... but can't do any of them. I'm so scared.