I have had the same experience with 2 sisters - both of whom are medically trained - one a radiologist, the other a physiotherapist.

When my mother could no longer take care of my father by herself (he refused to go to a hospital to die), she called me to help her. I lived in another province at the time and returned home specifically for this reason.

When my father was at his most critical - nearing death - all of a sudden, both sisters were swarming around, handing out advice; taking over wherever and whenever possible. Both seemed to hold great sway with each parent as to how things should be done, which, of course, left me out of the picture completely.

I didn't understand what was happening either. After all, I was the only one there all the time! I knew when/what meds to give my father; what his discomforts were; what state my mother was in, emotionally and physically. Neither knew any of this, but it didn't stop them.

I feared my illness played a part in the doubts my parents were having about my ability to care for them - it certainly didn't help that my sisters kept reminding them of it. It upset my father to the point that he would no longer allow me to minister to him. He thought I was trying to kill him. Even when he was totally delusional all the time (because of the painkillers), he still would not let me near him. Oh, how that hurt!!

My mother, too, was confused as to who to look to. Neither parent really understood my illness - never tried to - so I had to accept their fears as being reasonable considering the circumstances.

I also acquiesced to my sisters demands when they were around. I just got out of their way. If they screwed up, we all knew who was to blame....

My sisters, with their lives, could not have possibly dropped it all to care for my parents as they needed to be cared for - and were not prepared to make that sacrifice, either. I was, however.

After my father passed away, my mother realized that it was I who stayed with them right through to the end, and she thanked me for it. She even asked if I would plan my father's funeral (I think she did this to help me deal with the rejection my father had shown me near the end). I cried and cried when this acknowledgement came to me.