Surprisingly, no.. I haven't felt like this. I know and can relate to the feeling of wanting to be gone, to be done with it, but I don't know if it's even suicidal ideation at all. I mean at one point in my life I had felt pretty suicidal but that's been at least 20 years since then. I mean the one thing tht keeps me here is knowing and being aware of those that would be affected. Even those that dont' know me all too well would be indirectly affected if I died unexpectedly, even more so by a suicidal death.

I wonder though, if you idealize not existing if it's a way of getting out of the feeling that you'd be missed, that you'd affect those that care or even just know you. I mean deep down many of us know that it would affect those people in our lives. Feeling suicidal means ignoring that. I dont' mean you consciously do this but I wonder if it's your mind's way of making thoughts of being gone, acceptable.