I am sorry for your pain. I hope you realize this one setback doesn't define who you are. Your character does, and your character said no for 254 days straight (roughly 8 1/2 months). That's a LOT of perseverance and self-discipline. You have some great qualities working to your advantage, which means there is hope. You cut before, but you got back on your feet and lived without it for a pretty long time. I'm not putting pressure on you or anything. I just hope you recognize how strong you are