I need to find better ways to deal with anger. I get so angry with myself when I feel depressed. I have a hard time dealing with anger in general. I have a really hard time being mad at people. I tend to blame myself for things other people do and then I start avoiding people that I should be mad at. There are a lot of family member ai barely talk to anymore. I'm not missing anything from them, but I should be mad at the things they done, but more so I tend to blame myself.

I think a little bit of that is what happened last week. I was kinda sad to start with and the whole thing with Sarah's loan happened. I should have been mad at her, But I was more mad at myself for not knowing about it. Part of me felt guilty for not taking care of the payments for her. I know it is her responsibilty and she should he the one to pay it back. Maybe it is codepency. I think a part of me like that she relies on me so much for everything and that is why I didn't lush her to get work and do more. I just let her sit around and do what she wanted without any complaints from me. It's not healthy for either one of us. She needs to do her part and be an equal in the releationship. I think therapy would help me sort all of these feelings out. Right now it is a mishmash of feelings.