It's hard, hopefully this helps: All people, bpd and nons, hate change to some extent. Whether we are in a life of pain and misery or of happiness and peace, we get used to it. It's what we know. Even though you know you suffer from emotional dysregulation and have seen the destruction that ensues when you "lose it" it's what you know. it's easier to keep doing what you're doing than to risk something new, even if that new way would most likely be good for you. I mean, we think, "what if it's not?", or "what if I try and fail?" or any number of other what ifs we can come up with and we remain stagnant.

Another thought about what you're saying is that we as people with BPD, go through self loathing and then the other end of the spectrum of thinking "I'm fine as I am" kind of thing. I see it as you're kind of in the "I'm fine" mode right now and that's understandable. Just remember, something brought you here so something about how you are isn't sitting well with you.

Keep posting here, you'll find answers and hopefully help.
~S4