I think when we are stuck in the eating disorder mindset, and especially if it has been going on for years, we believe it is part of our identity. We forget that no one is born with an eating disorder. It is a condition that develops for many different reasons. It may overtake your life and dominate your every waking moment ( I know this far too well), but it is not who I am or who you are. We are in there somewhere, it's just we get so buried underneath the behaviors it's hard to believe there was an individual there before the madness started.

Just my thoughts. I'm sorry you are struggling so much. My ED is wrecking havoc on my marriage and entire life at the moment as well.