So this is basically just a ramble. If you read, cool, if not, no harm done.

I am starting online classes tomorrow. Very excited, however, I am SO afraid I am going to eff this up too. Half of me is wondering why the heck I even signed up, I don't have the money (could apply for student loans, but don't want to end up swimming in debt)...I don't have the discipline really for online courses...I don't know. I want to do it but I don't.

I hate myself one second, and the next, not so much. I am pretty much a ball of anxious anger just bouncing off the walls right now like a flippin pinball game.

Self-harmed more this weekend. No marks were left, but I am so pathetic I did it while my kids were in the other room. Really? Who in the HECK does that?!? (Apparently me). So I feel like a disgusting no-good person.

But then I question myself. I never really felt so awful as I do while in Therapy. So am I making up my issues or do I really have a problem, and I was just able to ignore it while I was not in Therapy, bringing up all this old CRAP that just won't go away...

I am so totally going to regret posting this stupid ramble. But I am going to leave it up. So yeah. That's it for now.