I'm getting worse instead of better, so I made an appointment with a new T on Wednesday

I called him and he asked when I was available for appointments and I froze up. I couldn't even answer THAT. I finally managed to say something about my schedule and we were able to easily find a time that worked.

We talked about insurance for a moment and he told me the session cost (I didn't even think to ask).

We didn't talk about why i was coming or anything, which is probably normal, I guess. It was like a 2 minute conversation.

I'm terrified that I will go for my first appointment and cry the whole time (it will be a miracle if i DON'T do that actually) and that I will seem like such a mess and I'll tell him (in the broadest terms) of my trauma history and tell him what just happened with T and he won't want to take me on as a client and I'll be abandoned AGAIN.

I don't know if I can go through with it. I'm so scared.

AND I called Old T ( ) today, and left the most pathetic, sobbing message. I doubt he will call back, even though I asked him to. There's really no way he can help.

I'm sure there is a way out of this mess. I hope.