One way for you to find out more about what you're going through is to do your own online research about emotional numbness. That might help you find some positive, non-damaging ways to deal with things.

However, it is important to remember that there is only so much we can control about our brain chemistry. It's incredibly complex. If you don't want to discuss personal issues with a therapist, then perhaps consider consulting with a psychiatrist just to understand what's going on with the chemistry. You'll be on better footing to make well-informed decisions about what you want to do from there.