It has been a while, I felt like it was pointless to write because it didn't fix anything. I guess I still feel that way but I don't know what else to do. Everything I ever went through in my life has made this huge balck whole. I keep falling deeper and deeper inside. I have come to the point were nothing matters anymore. I don't care what happens, I know nothing good will happen anyways. It is better to feel nothing, than all the pain. Everything that was once wrong is now right. I don't even make sense to myself. I don't know if writing this was a good idea. My boyfriend is the only good thing but I feel like we are fading away. I stopped talking to him about a lot of things to. That is my fault though. I just can't bring myself to talk about anything anymore. Everything is my fault. I am a %#@&#! up. I really do hate myself. I hat looking in the mirror. I want to talk but it is to hard. Why? I am drowning myself. Even what I am typing is vague. This disease has taken over me. What should I do? Please, help me, Please.