I'll be honest, it's not just these things that made me wonder. It's also some painful stuff like my Dad left when I was about 3 and I never seen him again. My Mum was in and out of relationships with different guys. I used to spend a lot of time alone in my bedroom. My Mum would be overly praising towards me and idolize me then would snap at me for the smallest things and would hit me by the time I was about 10 I was punched in the face and kicked in the back.

Most of my childhood I was really lonely, to the point were it felt like irritating. I felt empty sometimes and had some quite depressive episodes sometimes. I remember being about 12 and getting praised for doing homework so well. So then I knuckled down and started doing really well and was getting loads of praise for it. Then it slowly stopped and I went off the rails and started hanging around with the wrong type of people. By 14 I was into smoking drugs and drinking and was getting myself into loads of trouble. I was influenced into some stupid stuff at this time. Like getting into a robbed car with some friends.

My adult life has been spent moving from job to job because I start them, work really hard to get praised and special treatment. Then after about a year I get bored and can't stand it. I've had loads of hobbies and fads but get bored really quick and pack them in. I've been diagnosed with depression about 4 times in ten years always based around hard times in my relationships.

I just feel that I'm really impulsive. Get bored so quick and change jobs, hobbies and stuff. I can't stand bored and routine. I'm always looking for exciting things to do. I cause arguments with my wife for attention and am constantly grooming for praise. I'm always looking in the mirror at myself. If I get praised I get elated really easy and when I get critised I can get really depressed or hurt and upset. Whenever I get ill it's the worst illness in the world. When I'm with people, whoever I'm with I think is my best friend but conversations are usually about me, my life and all the amazing things I've done (and over elaborated on) or whenever people talk to me I always have to be one over "I've got a new car." "Had a faster car." "Better illness." I think it all comes from insecurities and my abandonment issues. When I start a new job. I think I'm the best ever at the job. I could go on.