Hi there,
it sounds like you are mid-crisis. I know you think that you want to injure yourself, but somewhere in there, you also don't want to. If you are still in this mood when you get this answer, please either take yourself to the ER or tell someone who will stay with you until this passes. I'd hate to see a post by you telling us that you permanently scarred or disabled yourself.

The longer you can hold out, the better the chance that you will get through this episode and not injure yourself. Think, don't act. Hurting yourself is not going to give you the kind of connection you seek. Nor will it give you love. Mainly, it just gives you trouble. We don't want to read that you have disabled yourself or worse. Please hang in there. You can't see us, but know that there are many many people on this forum that care about you and what happens to you. Remember, there are people who care.

Sam2