things are real bad for me right now too. But this group has a lot to offer, I just joined and I already see that. The best place to get where you want to go is to get directions from someone who has walked there! I have dealt with depression most of my life and had thoughts of death that called for me all of the time, even after I became a christian.
But I gained and lived with strength for a year and a half and even though I am back in that pit, those thoughts don't come like they used to. I guess because I want to experience that victory again because it is a beautiful thing and all those thoughts would do would get me to heaven quicker but cause a lot of hell for the people I would leave behind. A catholic will tell you (at least most of them who don't really study the bible) that suicide is a ticket to hell. But the grace of god is a gift, so it depends on what you belive. If you accept the gift (Jesus), it doesn't matter how you die, you will go to heaven. That can be a wonderful and tempting thought at times, but now I just think of, like I said, the hell i would cause those I would leave behind. Kinda selfish when I know even though I can be a pain with this illness, I sure can bring joy to some, at times. Take care!!