My feelings are lowered now. A lot.

I think I know why they are, but I am having a hard time stopping it.

I am still safe.

Just very down.

Feel very ineffective.

I did not go to my meeting. I was very tired today; needed an extra hour of sleep or two.

Did SHMW with Ani, reloaded my bus pass.

But still feel very ashamed and guilty about not doing enough or being enough.

Today I just wanted to be away from people.

My roommate stonewalled me again and I slipped back into my room.

I think I also gained 30 pounds from eating so much junk (eating on again because I gave up having a romantic rel with Arvind---ugh...) and not exercising because I feel too self-conscious to dance, even alone in my room, and not out walking, either because I took too long to go out and it's almost dark now and it took me that long to psych up to do it.

I feel like a lazy fat arse.

Thank goodness I know enough about bpd to know that moods like this pass.

Carol