I've displayed distinctive borderline traits since I was about 5 years old, and I dislike looking at myself as old or fatalistic, but I believe the recovery you are searching for is beyond me. I have 40 years of ingrained behavior and mindset to overcome with no support other than what I receive here at PC and people/situations that persistantly reinforce this behavior. As it is, I consider myself lucky to finally grasp and understand my lifelong struggles. I fooled myself in believing I was "normal" for entirely too long, only coming to the realization in just this past year. I believe this type of "recovery" is totally unfathomable for me at this point without something life-altering ocurring or a lenghty hospital stay that totally immerses me in what you describe. I will, however, read what you have offered and at least think about it Please let us know how it goes for you. I am curious.