Kira, since you are struggling after all this time, I suggest you see a counselor or a therapist and try to work through it.

Also, I do encourage you to try to make some new friends. Those folks are like a soap opera. It will take awhile to build up new relationships, but it will be worth it. Go to new places, try to find a hobby to share with other people, etc.

That's my advice. It isn't easy to follow, but it can be done.