Kira... btw, Kira is a beautiful name.

I find it hard to understand how you mention that John's sleeping with Mary was the first time someone you dated slept with another woman (which makes me think that before John, you had a long series of men who were all faithful to you), yet at the same time mention that John was your first sexual partner.

?

In general though, when you have a "a very close knit group of friends" that consists of girls and guys, then things that you have described - in other words, people switching partners while staying within the same close knit group of friends - can and do happen. It is definitely not unheard of. I know a lot of people who have been able to maintain relationships despite that, so it is certainly possible and is one option you have, and the other option is the one PAYNE1 mentioned - go get friends from another circle of people.

As a general rule, it is definitely a bad idea to stay with people who put you down by calling you names ("insane", "idiotic") and if you do, you probably need therapy for that. That is very very important. Even if you have feelings for a person who puts you down, you should still stay away from him. It is a general safety rule and a priority that should override all other, lesser priorities. So John is NOT OK to be with, because he puts you down. Ken is OK to be with and it is up to you whether to overlook physical unattractiveness if you can muster it, but it is not OK to stay with somebody who puts you down.

"I begged them to tell me the truth, said I didn't care I just needed them to be honest."

No, you did care, otherwise you would not have asked. People who do not care do not ask questions - precisely because they do not care one way or the other. So while you are accusing them of dishonesty ("Then they lied to me yet again"), you were dishonest yourself. So it is best to just stop thinking about this issue altogether. If you really wanted to be friendly with them two, your friendliness should have been unconditional - no strings attached. They did not owe you reports on the relationship between them, right? It was a little nosy of you to interrogate them. If you are not ready to be friends with them without interrogations, then, as PAYNE1 said, get friends from outside of your little circle. The world is very large, especially now that we also have the Internet that connects people from around the globe, and pretty much everybody speaks English these days, so sky is the limit.

You also have not forgiven as forgiveness, as love, should be unconditional. If you truly have forgiven, you should not be expecting certain behaviors from them in appreciation of your forgiveness - or else it is not forgiveness anymore but some bargaining method.

Single for 6 months does not sound so horrible. I hope you will find someone soon!

And try Ken, what have you got to lose? Maybe it will be OK. He is nice, supportive, knows your history, sweet, and all the rest of that. Try connecting with him. That he is John's friend is OK. The point is not to be with John since he is verbally abusive, but it is OK to be with John's friends. Nothing bad about it.